I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
