Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
