Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
