she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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