Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize