weddingsv make me drug and hornr
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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