I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
