3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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