What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
