I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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