There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
