if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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