People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
