im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
