he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
