Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
