So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
