is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
