Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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