I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
