I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
