hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
