I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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