So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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