Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize