just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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