fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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