Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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