Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
