And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
