he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
