i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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