i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize