we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
