I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
