My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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