they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We're too hungover to prance.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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