Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize