so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
