I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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