dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
