i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
