Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
