Yo dont text me then not text me
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
