you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
