You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
