haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
