I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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