Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
no you cant smoke seaweed
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
