You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
