Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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