Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
