May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
