My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
