Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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