4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
There are leaves in my underwear?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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