her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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