just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize