Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
