Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
